Dreaded Day!

When we signed up to be Foster parents, we did not know about visit day.  Yes we heard a foster parent talk about visits and how she would do shared parenting on panel night but we did not have anyone tell us about how most foster children are affected by visit day.  When we had our first H, we HATED visit days because she would come back sad, mad, confused, etc.  During the summer, we had it set up where she would go to visits, come home for lunch, and we would then go straight to counseling.  When we got Hannah we HATED visit days because she would come back not thinking she had to listen to us.  She would also come back acting like a baby because they would carry her around as though she was one.  When we got Monkey, we thought visit days would not be as bad as they were with the two older girls.  Boy how we were WRONG because they are so much worse!!!!!!!  We now LOATHE visit days!!!!!!!  The day before and the morning of his visits, I just want to cry and put him in a bubble.  I would also LOVE to run away with him.  My heart breaks because I know how he is going to be when DSS shows up to get him.  We have been told by Ms. Mary that when Gloria would come to get Monkey or C from daycare that Monkey would go ballistic as soon as he heard her voice.  He now does the same thing with Mrs. Cynthia.  They told us he starts crying and makes a beeline to Ms. Mary.  He also starts shaking all over.  He has been doing this for months now.  Saturday we attended the yearly Foster Care picnic and he was totally fine until Ms. Gloria walked up.  As soon as he saw her he started crying, shaking, and was trying his best to come out of the high chair to get to me.  He started to cry another time during the afternoon when he saw her.  The times when he has been here and had to go on visits has torn up my nerves (Ms. Mary said visit days tears her nerves up too) because he starts clinging to me and crying.  When they would take him, he would look back at me crying like why are you letting them do this to me.  He did this the entire way to the car.  He would wake up happy, laughing, being his regular baby self but comes back VERY clingy and subdued.  He is a different baby until at least the next morning.  When he is home, we put him straight in the bathtub when he gets home from his visits.  When he is at daycare, we have to send a wash cloth for them to wash him off and clothes to change him into.  We started doing this when he came back several weeks clawing his skin.  One week was so bad that when Mom got him from daycare, she had to wash him off and they were both crying because he was clawing so much.  Are you starting to see why we hate visits?!?!?!
I hate knowing that he has a visit coming up because I know how awful it will be for him and as his mommy I want to protect him from as much hurt as possible.  He screams, cries, and shakes when he has to go to visits or when he sees the people that takes him on a visit.  I hate sending him to visits because I know how confusing it is to him.  I am the mommy that he knows, Hannah is the sissy that he knows, and Mom is the Nana that he knows.  I know it has to be very confusing to him to have another woman calling herself mom, someone else saying they are Nannie, and another little girl saying she is sissy.  There are also the aunt, great-grandma, brother, cousins, etc.  From what I have been told they are always trying to get him to perform instead of just letting him be himself.  They are all pulling and tugging on him, kissing him, and taking pictures of him.  The social worker told us that she was worn out after the last visit and she knew he had to be too.  I tell him over and over how much I love him and how sorry I am on the morning of visits.  I wish more than anything that I could snap my fingers and they would stop.  We, including the social worker and his guardian, are hoping that tomorrow is his last visit.  The court is VERY close to terminating his bio mom's rights and as soon as that happens he never has to go back for a visit.  Right now our main prayer is that visits will stop.  I hate what they do to him and I want him to not have to go back.  I didn't even mention the nervous wreck that I am in the entire time he is gone especially if he is one minute longer than when they said they would be back.  Visits are too nerve wracking for everyone so we are sooooooo ready for them to end.